Why does my alcoholic BF always blame everyone else for his problems?
Question: My BF of 3 years, never thinks he has a problem, it's always someone else who made him do whatever it is that he did. He is a very bad alcoholic, and he goes out to bars, and gets so wasted that he dosen't remember anything. Then when we get into arguments, he makes it like it was my fault that he went out, and got drunk in the first place. My family has get togethers, and they tell me I am invited, but my BF is not. Now my BF, says I should tell my family, if he isn't invited, I won't go either. I won't do this. My family has stood behind me all my life, and I won't turn my back, just to protect my BF's feelings. He got himself into this, and I think he should try to get himself straightened out, before he crams himself down my family's throats. He dosen't think he has a problem, and I am getting to the point of not caring about him anymore. I love him, but I am tired of dealing with this. Friday night he didn't come home until 11:00 a.m the next morning. I am just fed up.
Answers: PLEASE listen to what I am saying ... this is NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER ...
An Addict is an Addict all of their lives .. and he has NOT hit the point where he is WILLING to change and get his addictions treated and under control.
He is doing this because he is ILL ... and yes, he IS ABUSING YOU in the process.
IF I were you, I would QUICKLY WALK AWAY .. FAST, do NOT turn back, and do NOT subject yourself to any more ABUSE. GO talk to the Domestic Violence Center in your area, and yes, also go and attend the Al-Anon Groups too (so that you can learn how to manage and overcome your own co-dependency issues).
YOU need to learn that you can NOT 'save' him. He can only make this choice for HIMSELF.
PLEASE stop and think about what I said.
IF this is your home (and you are paying the bills) .. pack his things in boxes, seal them up, and the next time he LEAVES, change the LOCKS IMMEDIATELY and REFUSE to let him back in.
IF this is his place, pack up your things, and LEAVE.
YOUR Family is what is BEST for your life, and you need to THANK YOUR choice of Diety that they are THERE FOR YOU! GO to them! ASK them for help and a place to stay UNTIL you can go back on your own two feet ... ALONE and confident.
He is alcoholic, he accepts no blame, but blames his problems on other people.
dump him, he's never going to change, and you keep playing his games?
he blames every1 cuz hes an alcoholic. its like the fifth degree of drunkenness or something.
Don't invest more than 2 - 3 yrs on a relationship without marriage.
Don't marry anyone with problems...
Sounds like you need to break-up and move on....
That's just the way alcoholics are. If you don't want to live with him like that, and he won't get help, then ditch him.
He's a drunk and they do not want to accept the blame for the problems they have made.
His drinking is his way of hiding from the world.
Dump him
Leave him. He is causing too many problems for you.
On a side note, Why do girls always go for the bad guy ?
He blames is actions on others because he is too afraid to admit he is making a mistake. Your best bet would be to tell him you love him but until he gets some help you two can no longer be a couple. Tell him you will be there for him if he needs you but thats it. Good luck.
whats in it for you? Until he realize he has a problem you going to suffer. All the do gooders will be saying phone AA. you ve already done that the best person to help you is you make the move. Find help
Your stomach in knots with worry when you don't know where he is?Or if hes alive?You need to do a intervention and quick if you plan on staying with him.And seek help thru the AA helpline for codepenents.Find a listing for meeting in your paper and they can help you.you need to take of you cause thats really all you can do.am speaking as one co-dependent to another~
he has no right telling you what to do & you sure in heck don't need to put up with his actions everytime he gets drunk either.if your fed up then dump him because you don't need to get hurt because of him.your family loves you & that outweighs him by ten fold & if he loves you then he should get help,but i don't see that going to happen.
get out now while you still can and there are no kids involved.
He does it because he can't cope with taking responsibilty for himself which is probably why he is an alcoholic. Why are you still with this person? Obviously you love him but you can't help him. You need to leave him to deal with his problems himself, you can't do it for him. Get out now honey, things aren't going to improve.
Talk to him about getting help like AA. But if he won't admit that he has a problem, he won't do that. So tell him that you love him but he needs to face up to his problem and get help or you're leaving. Leave him if he refuses. It will be hard to do but you really need to for both of your sakes! I pray for the best for both of you!
i have no family either. think yourself licky your parents havent told you how shi+ you are all day break wooden spoons over your body. just you think your self lucky girl. you either chose your family, and marry and inbreed or get someone that you can have kids with, stop thinking about your-self. you wouldnt have even been smacked as a little kid. this is why i cannot find a girlfriend because i have been told all my life by my famly except on rare occasions when i saw my grandparents how much of a piece of shi+ i am, maybe he had something like this done to him. help him please, why dont you take him somewhere where there isnt alchohol, gl hf
That you are focusing on your boyfriend's problems, shows you are a very compassionate person. You are getting red flags from everywhere, however, and you obviously recognize many of them, so the question really is why have you not left already? I know you have invested a lot of time and emotion into the relationship, but he is not going to get any better. Based on what you are describing, he is only going to get worse. You deserve so much better than this. You may want to read the book But, I love him by Jill Murray. I know you love him and it is hard to walk away, but it is possible to love someone and, because of their behavior, not be able to have a life with him. The BEST thing you can do for yourself and him is to leave. You need to also look for information about narcissists (self focused/it is never their fault) on the internet. It will help you understand better what you are really facing and why you need to get out now.
Sounds like you should dump him. If he doesn't want help there is no use in trying to change him.
I saw my once intelligent,talented and handsome husband screw himself into the ground with alcohol..it took only a relatively short time for the disease to take complete control...I am an authority on this...not because of any letters after my name, but because I witnessed it first hand for over 4 years of our 23 yr marriage. The marriage ended, but not in divorce or separation...it ended when he drank himself to death !!! (in spite on my many attempts to save him over all this time)
You can't save him...he has to save himself...you should remove yourself from him, even if you still love him...especially if you still love him....unless you like to wear black and go through boxes of tissues and fight endless depression and .....so on...
Well he sounds like a problem drinker. But have you ever considered he is just a little spoiled. Was he a single child? I think there may also be some drug problems if he dosen't come home till noon the next day.
I've been with my husband for 8 years & he will admit he is an alcoholic. The thing is they seem to forget it doesn't just affect them it affects the people immediately around them. My husband was an alcoholic due to the fact he had a severe back injury & was told he would never be able to work again so depression set in etc. In all the time Iv'e been with him he has had pancreatitis attacks the last one so severe he was put into an induced coma for 15 days because not only was the pancreas struggling, it affected his gall bladder,spleen, heart & his lungs. My husband is only 36. It took for him to nearly lose his life for him to stop drinking alcohol. He never again can have even 1 sip of alcohol as it could kill him. I took a picture of him lying in a coma with tubes coming out of body. He had to have a tracheaoscopy( cut in throat to help breathe) Feeding lines, monitoring lines for heart etc. He has now not had a drink for 3 months & he refuses to do so because he feels so much healthier & he also doesn't want to lose his wife & kids. He knows I will walk as I can't watch him kill himself slowly ever again. Since you are not married to him I suggest you get out of that relationship. Until he admits he's got a problem he will continue to make you suffer. There is no real reason to drink yourself into such a stupor. He will need help, but he needs to do it for himself. You could speak to your doctor about this or contact Alcoholics Anonymous. There are also some tablets like Campral to help, but they are only available if he is serious about giving up alcohol. Good Luck!
Answers: PLEASE listen to what I am saying ... this is NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER ...
An Addict is an Addict all of their lives .. and he has NOT hit the point where he is WILLING to change and get his addictions treated and under control.
He is doing this because he is ILL ... and yes, he IS ABUSING YOU in the process.
IF I were you, I would QUICKLY WALK AWAY .. FAST, do NOT turn back, and do NOT subject yourself to any more ABUSE. GO talk to the Domestic Violence Center in your area, and yes, also go and attend the Al-Anon Groups too (so that you can learn how to manage and overcome your own co-dependency issues).
YOU need to learn that you can NOT 'save' him. He can only make this choice for HIMSELF.
PLEASE stop and think about what I said.
IF this is your home (and you are paying the bills) .. pack his things in boxes, seal them up, and the next time he LEAVES, change the LOCKS IMMEDIATELY and REFUSE to let him back in.
IF this is his place, pack up your things, and LEAVE.
YOUR Family is what is BEST for your life, and you need to THANK YOUR choice of Diety that they are THERE FOR YOU! GO to them! ASK them for help and a place to stay UNTIL you can go back on your own two feet ... ALONE and confident.
He is alcoholic, he accepts no blame, but blames his problems on other people.
dump him, he's never going to change, and you keep playing his games?
he blames every1 cuz hes an alcoholic. its like the fifth degree of drunkenness or something.
Don't invest more than 2 - 3 yrs on a relationship without marriage.
Don't marry anyone with problems...
Sounds like you need to break-up and move on....
That's just the way alcoholics are. If you don't want to live with him like that, and he won't get help, then ditch him.
He's a drunk and they do not want to accept the blame for the problems they have made.
His drinking is his way of hiding from the world.
Dump him
Leave him. He is causing too many problems for you.
On a side note, Why do girls always go for the bad guy ?
He blames is actions on others because he is too afraid to admit he is making a mistake. Your best bet would be to tell him you love him but until he gets some help you two can no longer be a couple. Tell him you will be there for him if he needs you but thats it. Good luck.
whats in it for you? Until he realize he has a problem you going to suffer. All the do gooders will be saying phone AA. you ve already done that the best person to help you is you make the move. Find help
Your stomach in knots with worry when you don't know where he is?Or if hes alive?You need to do a intervention and quick if you plan on staying with him.And seek help thru the AA helpline for codepenents.Find a listing for meeting in your paper and they can help you.you need to take of you cause thats really all you can do.am speaking as one co-dependent to another~
he has no right telling you what to do & you sure in heck don't need to put up with his actions everytime he gets drunk either.if your fed up then dump him because you don't need to get hurt because of him.your family loves you & that outweighs him by ten fold & if he loves you then he should get help,but i don't see that going to happen.
get out now while you still can and there are no kids involved.
He does it because he can't cope with taking responsibilty for himself which is probably why he is an alcoholic. Why are you still with this person? Obviously you love him but you can't help him. You need to leave him to deal with his problems himself, you can't do it for him. Get out now honey, things aren't going to improve.
Talk to him about getting help like AA. But if he won't admit that he has a problem, he won't do that. So tell him that you love him but he needs to face up to his problem and get help or you're leaving. Leave him if he refuses. It will be hard to do but you really need to for both of your sakes! I pray for the best for both of you!
i have no family either. think yourself licky your parents havent told you how shi+ you are all day break wooden spoons over your body. just you think your self lucky girl. you either chose your family, and marry and inbreed or get someone that you can have kids with, stop thinking about your-self. you wouldnt have even been smacked as a little kid. this is why i cannot find a girlfriend because i have been told all my life by my famly except on rare occasions when i saw my grandparents how much of a piece of shi+ i am, maybe he had something like this done to him. help him please, why dont you take him somewhere where there isnt alchohol, gl hf
That you are focusing on your boyfriend's problems, shows you are a very compassionate person. You are getting red flags from everywhere, however, and you obviously recognize many of them, so the question really is why have you not left already? I know you have invested a lot of time and emotion into the relationship, but he is not going to get any better. Based on what you are describing, he is only going to get worse. You deserve so much better than this. You may want to read the book But, I love him by Jill Murray. I know you love him and it is hard to walk away, but it is possible to love someone and, because of their behavior, not be able to have a life with him. The BEST thing you can do for yourself and him is to leave. You need to also look for information about narcissists (self focused/it is never their fault) on the internet. It will help you understand better what you are really facing and why you need to get out now.
Sounds like you should dump him. If he doesn't want help there is no use in trying to change him.
I saw my once intelligent,talented and handsome husband screw himself into the ground with alcohol..it took only a relatively short time for the disease to take complete control...I am an authority on this...not because of any letters after my name, but because I witnessed it first hand for over 4 years of our 23 yr marriage. The marriage ended, but not in divorce or separation...it ended when he drank himself to death !!! (in spite on my many attempts to save him over all this time)
You can't save him...he has to save himself...you should remove yourself from him, even if you still love him...especially if you still love him....unless you like to wear black and go through boxes of tissues and fight endless depression and .....so on...
Well he sounds like a problem drinker. But have you ever considered he is just a little spoiled. Was he a single child? I think there may also be some drug problems if he dosen't come home till noon the next day.
I've been with my husband for 8 years & he will admit he is an alcoholic. The thing is they seem to forget it doesn't just affect them it affects the people immediately around them. My husband was an alcoholic due to the fact he had a severe back injury & was told he would never be able to work again so depression set in etc. In all the time Iv'e been with him he has had pancreatitis attacks the last one so severe he was put into an induced coma for 15 days because not only was the pancreas struggling, it affected his gall bladder,spleen, heart & his lungs. My husband is only 36. It took for him to nearly lose his life for him to stop drinking alcohol. He never again can have even 1 sip of alcohol as it could kill him. I took a picture of him lying in a coma with tubes coming out of body. He had to have a tracheaoscopy( cut in throat to help breathe) Feeding lines, monitoring lines for heart etc. He has now not had a drink for 3 months & he refuses to do so because he feels so much healthier & he also doesn't want to lose his wife & kids. He knows I will walk as I can't watch him kill himself slowly ever again. Since you are not married to him I suggest you get out of that relationship. Until he admits he's got a problem he will continue to make you suffer. There is no real reason to drink yourself into such a stupor. He will need help, but he needs to do it for himself. You could speak to your doctor about this or contact Alcoholics Anonymous. There are also some tablets like Campral to help, but they are only available if he is serious about giving up alcohol. Good Luck!
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