Husbands Job?

Question: What do you do when you hate your husbands job. My husband is gone 14 days out of a month. He works every other week but gets paid for all 4 weeks. He loves his job and I wouldn't stop him because of it but I hate it. We have kids and I feel like a single mom. I take care of everything and when he comes home he dont want to deal with anything, he just wants to spend time with his family but it really disrupts my routines and they way I am raising the kids. Help !!
Yes I have told him this but he said he loves his job, he is good at it and the money is nice.

Answers: I totally understand where your coming from. My husband travels and has been gone as long as 4 months straight. It is really hard to explain how when he is gone, that my son and I have our routine and like you said when he comes home, he disrupts and only wants to spend time with the family. Which, isn't a bad thing. I guess we should be happy that they want to come home. But, when they do come home it is like you have to do every thing he wants to do. Most of all, get use to each other again.
Our son is 9 and I have no idea what got into him today, I picked him up from after school and he thought he was the adult and I was the child. I got told I hate you about that time my husband called and our son wouldn't even get on the phone with is dad, he told him no. Then my husband told me to tell our son that if he didn't get on the phone, he would get his butt when we got home, because he was here waiting on us. Of course he got on the phone then and he has been in his room all night.
Any way, It is like being a single parent and it is really hard at times. Just hang in there and be happy that he does want to come home and spend time with his family. Clean the house when he goes back to work. Good luck...

First of all you need to sit down and talk to your husband and be totally honest with him. That is what marriage is about. Partnership, honesty,etc... There is no way to solve the problem if he doesn't know it exists. Money isn't always everything but it does help. It sounds like you both have to find your happy medium in your marriage and family life.

Then the two of you need to talk to each other about what to do when he is home.

Start small and start scheduling. It's going to be hard. Perhaps the first thing you could start with is him physically taking care of the kids while you go somewhere. Could be grocery shopping, could be out--doesn't matter.

Then you need to establish a couple of rules that you both agree on. ie., No eating in the bedrooms and if the kids do it, they get punished.

Start small and try it.

Best regards-

Well, I have a lot of advice to give you. I'm basically a stay at home mom/ business owner. I own my business and do most of the work out of my home. I'm in charge of everything from personal/business finances to house keeping, general chores, taking care of my daughter, cooking, grocery shopping, etc... Needless to say, most of my days are 12-14 hour days. I totally understand that being a stay at home mom is way more work than most people realize and that scheduling is key. My husband runs a seasonal business and has about five months out of the year off- meaning he doesn't work for 2.5 months in the summer and winter. I had a very hard time adapting to his time off. Here's what works for me:

1.We have a general set of rules where our daughter is concerned: no playing with food, no treats until a good meal is eaten, no throwing fits, etc. If he is in charge of watching her, he follows the general rules but does things his way. As long as the general rules are followed, there are no problems. Kids need to learn how to do things from both of their parents, not just one.
2. I break up my duties throughout the day into small chunks. Ex: Laundry, vacuuming/sweeping, and general pick up are all in one small to-do list. Checking the mail, charging my blackberry, filing the mail, and checking my e-mail are another small to-do list. This way, I can be flexible with my day while still being efficent. If I'm having a day where I really don't feel like doing a lot, I'll just complete two or three small to-do lists throughout the day. If I'm ambitious, I complete 8 or 9. The point is that you need to be flexible. If you can't do laundry in the morning because your husband will want to wake up and take a shower, then start working on another to-do list of yours. Start preparing your dinner in the morning so when 6pm rolls around, all you have to do is throw it in the oven or grill and pull a pre-made salad out of the fridge and all those prep dishes are already cleaned. Get your laundry done by the afternoon so that when kids are done with homework, they put away their own laundry. It only will take them 10-15 minutes and it's a good way to start teaching them to take care of their own stuff.
3. Make time for yourself. I know you'll probably hear this everywhere you turn but it really helps. Some days I wake up and just knock out a few chores, eat a lunch, take a quick but refreshing bath, take a cat nap and wake up feeling great and I don't dread all the things I have left to do.
4. Get out of the house for coffee. You need to take yourself out for something you enjoy that can be quick and easy. After dropping the kids off at school, grab a latte and get caffeinated and get a bunch of stuff done during the middle of the day. This has both the benefit of making yourself happy and caffeniating so that you can be more productive.

5. Finally, the MOST IMPORTANT bit of advice I have to offer you is that you have to change your perspective on life. I went through about 5 months of hating my life. I hated cleaning all the time and when I was in the middle of doing dishes, my daughter would wake up from her map. I'd spend 20 minutes cooking her a lunch only for her to not eat. I was used to eating at the same time every night and when I was getting ready to cook my husband would tell me he ate a late lunch and wasn't hungry. I JUST WANTED TO YELL and throw in the towel. I no longer feel like this. Here is how I got over hating everything about my days:
First, I had to get an attitude of gratitude. I had a lot to be thankful for that I was overlooking in my bad moods. Healthy kid, wondeful husband, money to do fun things, food, everything. I didn't have to go to a work place where there was gossip. I didn't have to do what my boss said and follow his schedule. I can create my own schedule. Your day is what you make it.
Secondly, I had to re-evaluate my priorities. Is it more important to finish dusting the living room and be grumpy that after that I still have three more things to do OR do I spend time with my daughter (which makes both of us happy) and accept the fact that not everything needs to get done in a day.
Thirdly, I had to learn to be more efficent and oddly enough, finding easier meals to prepare and cook helped me more than anything else. I started getting those huge zip-lock bags and making my own salad mixes on the day I did my grocery shopping. I planned meals where I used the left over meat to make a soup or pasta the next day. It took less time to make meals and there were fewer dishes to wash. Good meal planning saves me about an hour every day.
Fourth and final- you have to start holding people accountable for taking care of their own messes. Everyone rinses their own dishes, everyone puts their dirty laundry in the hamper, everyone puts their stuff in the designated homes. I don't think your husband would think you're asking too much of him to rinse his dishes, take care of his dirty laundry, and put away his mail. If he wants to have fun on his days off, put him in charge of taking the kids out side to play sports or hunt for bugs- whatever. This will give you some free time to take a nap or bath or watch Oprah.

Lastly, watch the Adam Sandler movie Click (now on DVD) YOU HAVE TO SEE this movie if you are hating your life. If anything, watching Click will help you more than most advice you will recieve.

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