Problems with 3 year old stepson.?
Question: My fiance and I have one child together (she is one year) and he has a son from a previous, um, one night stand should I call it? Anyways, his son, Bryce, stays with us every other weekend for about 4 to 5 days at a time. I have known Bryce since he was 8 months old and I am just as much a part of his life as his father is. When he comes to see us I treat him with the same respect and dicipline as I treat my daughter with. I help him with getting dressed, bathing, I prepare his meals, I read to him and play with him. We do fun things as a family and I accept him as another child to me. Today he told my fiance, his dad, that he does not like me and that I'm disgusting. How do I take this? He is three, but should I take his seroiusly? Is it his mother putting these thoughts into his head? How should I handle this. When I heard what he had said I started crying. I don't know if it is his mother is saying bad things about me or if he really feels this way. Has anybody had this experience?
Answers: Do not let that get to you. His mom is playing games with you and trying to hurt you and the worst part is, she is using that poor little boy. He is only three and can not understand what he is saying. From experience, unless you are being mean to him or mean to his dad, he is not going to dislike you. Just be supportive and loving to him and please don't take it out on him. If I were you, I would ignore it, even to his mom. Because if you throw a fit about it to her, then she knows it is working and will keep on putting him in the middle.
Unfortunately, this kind of crap happens all the time. But you have to keep your cool and act like the adult since you know his mom isn't.
Good luck.
I think someone is putting these ideas into his head. Give him time, he will figure out on his own that you are good to him and for him, don't argue or discuss it with him.
its the mom.
If not already your fiance needs to as soon as possible have a talk with the boy in front of you.
I would hope that your fiance has already asked questions of the boy to get an idea on what disgusting means and where he heard the word.
how good your relationship with your step son will be depends on how your husband approaches these types of situations.
Remember he is only 3. Even if his mother is saying bad things, just tell him I love you so much, please don't say bad things to me . Ask him if he is angry with you, or if he heard someone say something bad about you. You can find out. Stay positive, he will come around.
i agree with everyone else why would a 3 yr old say that? i mean come on think about it..
Where would a three year old learn the word disgusting? More than likely his mother is bad mouthing you when he is at home with her. He could have also said this because he was mad at you for disciplining him or something. I wouldn't take it to heart as he is only three years old but I would have your fiance speak with his mother.
It would be a good idea to really look within yourself and check what your attitude is. Remember non verbal communication speaks volumes. With everything you said above, the thing that really stood out was 'um, one night stand should I call it'. I could be wrong, but chances are, this attitude is spilling over into your relationship with him. Maybe not in the way you treat him, but maybe your expression of body language whenever anything concerning his mother comes up. Kids pick up on our vibes soooo keenly. I say all of this just to help you. If your attitude toward her improves, maybe the relationship with him will as well. I'm raising 3 stepsons, so trust me, I'm speaking from experience and from what I had to learn myself. Best wishes to you.
The mother should be ashamed of herself, using a 3 yr old like that. Don't let it get to you. Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job! Focus on your family and you will be fine.I hope the best for you!
A three year old doesnt have the ability to know such attitude or feeling. His mom's at it. He says what he heard, not what he believes
He will only believe in the love you show him a child accumulates affections he gets and grows with the memory.
The only mistake you will do is to stop showering him with that affection, then he will easily replace fragile memory (typical of a child) of your kindness with what he hears from his mother.
Keep loving him, soon as he grows up, he will stand up to his mom and tell her she is lying, tell her how wonderful you are.
More grease to your elbows
it should not bother you what a 3 year old says about you maybe someone eles is talking in his ear just continue to treat him the same
its the mom I am sorry to say she is probably the kind of person who will dog you out from here on out....If a bio mother does this with their kid the step parent doesn't have a chance because this is programmed in their brain.He will believe whatever she tells him.Just do the same things you have been doing and don't worry too much about it.There really is nothing you can do about it....
Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
You are NOT as much a part of his life as his father! His father is his FATHER! You aren't even married to his father! It doesn't matter how long you have known this little boy. Do not assume equal status with his parents!
And HOW can you treat a three year old with the same respect and DISCIPLINE as a one year old???
Just the fact that you mention that Bryce was conceived as a result of a one night stand shows that you have some unresolved issues with the fact that your fiance has a child that is not yours.
No wonder this little boy says he doesn't like you! It sounds like an honest response to me!
Oh BooHoo -you started crying when you found out! Is that to make Daddy feel sorry for you because that mean ol Bryce said he doesn't like you??? Oh wait, Bryce's mama must be programming him!
He's a three year old boy! Back off! And he's not your stepson until his daddy actually marries you!
Oh boy do I know what you mean..... I have 3 sons, 2 are fathers and are not married to any of the mothers.... LONG story, but sufice to say things are said and done that just create BIG problems, she said he said, they said that he said, etc., you get my drift ?? anyway, at 3 there is NO way he could come up with such language or discription, unless he has an IQ of 120 or better, so it has to come from some where or some one... My advice to you is this, sit the child down, and TALK to him, on his level of speach, just what he said meant, explain to him what those specific words mean, he may not even know what he realy said, ... ask him what he meant by them and why ... also explain to him you understand he has feelings and that it is OK to have them, but that some times words can hurt peoples feelings and make them unhappy... You have to use words HE can understand and relate to.... also explain to him that some times we can hear adults *big people* say things they do not mean because they are angry or sad or hurt, etc...., but that adults should NOT say things around little ones *kids* that should not be said again to anyone.... DO NOT ask him where he heard this stuff or accuse or such... just be calm and cool and let him know that he did hurt your feelings because you do love him and care, but that IF he does have hurt or angry feelings or if you make him feel hurt or angry that he needs to tell you how so YOU , as the adult can make it ok again.........If you are unsure on how to approach him, go to the library and get a book on how to.... God bless
if you are close to the child, appeal to his emotional sade and tell him howmuch it hurt you. If you dont want to talk about it in that manner its always best to call a family meeting. The father should teach the boy about the way he says something, and how to respect the adults of the house. It will be fine, remember he is a child. Dont feel hurt by it too deeply, but do express the pain and dismay that you feel. It will be just fine!
I have had this happen to me with my two step-sons you need to ask your fiance what he thinks about it. Then maybe talk to his ex in an adult mature way to see what the problem is.
I think someone is putting thoughts in his head. Give it some time he will see what a good person you are I have been with my fiance for almost 5 yrs now and we have been fighting this problem off and one with his now 12 yr old daughter. I think her bio mom and his mom are putting ideas into her head to see how far they can push me even though they act like they like me.
If he was 13 then I would say, yes he means it and you need to talk but he is 3 and I doubt it very much that he truly understands what disgusting means. I am not saying that some 3 year olds are not beyond their years and that old saying is true, out of the mouth of babes ....yet for some reason I am having doubts here. Three year olds tend to use more colorful terms as yucky or even mean , ugly , bad , silly but the word disgusting tends to lead more toward him hearing it from someone else. Kids are parakeets too and they definitely repeat what they hear.
Do not feel bad about crying because that hurts! No matter if he meant it that way or not, it still hurts. I would have cried too. Especially since you have been part of his life from practically day one. However, I would try to put it aside and I wouldn't allow it to effect how you are with him but monitor what he says or when you are reading a book to him, maybe find one appropriate to that type of genre and see if you can ask him how he feels about you. There is nothing wrong with establishing a line of communication and it is never too early or too late.
I have a 4 year old little boy. When he gets mad sometimes he'll say I don't like you , I don't like daddy, he's mean and little things like this. My two older boys never did this, but all children are different. So him saying he doesn't like you can be quite normal (believe me he doesn't mean it), the word disgusting, he learned somewhere else.
I would let it go and continue taking care of him and giving love like normal. If it is said again, I would tell him it is not nice to say that and that you still love him.
Also, as a step parent to four children (now grown), if you can get a long with the little boy's mother, it would make everything a lot better. I always got along good with my husband's X, and I know it made my life a lot easier.
Answers: Do not let that get to you. His mom is playing games with you and trying to hurt you and the worst part is, she is using that poor little boy. He is only three and can not understand what he is saying. From experience, unless you are being mean to him or mean to his dad, he is not going to dislike you. Just be supportive and loving to him and please don't take it out on him. If I were you, I would ignore it, even to his mom. Because if you throw a fit about it to her, then she knows it is working and will keep on putting him in the middle.
Unfortunately, this kind of crap happens all the time. But you have to keep your cool and act like the adult since you know his mom isn't.
Good luck.
I think someone is putting these ideas into his head. Give him time, he will figure out on his own that you are good to him and for him, don't argue or discuss it with him.
its the mom.
If not already your fiance needs to as soon as possible have a talk with the boy in front of you.
I would hope that your fiance has already asked questions of the boy to get an idea on what disgusting means and where he heard the word.
how good your relationship with your step son will be depends on how your husband approaches these types of situations.
Remember he is only 3. Even if his mother is saying bad things, just tell him I love you so much, please don't say bad things to me . Ask him if he is angry with you, or if he heard someone say something bad about you. You can find out. Stay positive, he will come around.
i agree with everyone else why would a 3 yr old say that? i mean come on think about it..
Where would a three year old learn the word disgusting? More than likely his mother is bad mouthing you when he is at home with her. He could have also said this because he was mad at you for disciplining him or something. I wouldn't take it to heart as he is only three years old but I would have your fiance speak with his mother.
It would be a good idea to really look within yourself and check what your attitude is. Remember non verbal communication speaks volumes. With everything you said above, the thing that really stood out was 'um, one night stand should I call it'. I could be wrong, but chances are, this attitude is spilling over into your relationship with him. Maybe not in the way you treat him, but maybe your expression of body language whenever anything concerning his mother comes up. Kids pick up on our vibes soooo keenly. I say all of this just to help you. If your attitude toward her improves, maybe the relationship with him will as well. I'm raising 3 stepsons, so trust me, I'm speaking from experience and from what I had to learn myself. Best wishes to you.
The mother should be ashamed of herself, using a 3 yr old like that. Don't let it get to you. Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job! Focus on your family and you will be fine.I hope the best for you!
A three year old doesnt have the ability to know such attitude or feeling. His mom's at it. He says what he heard, not what he believes
He will only believe in the love you show him a child accumulates affections he gets and grows with the memory.
The only mistake you will do is to stop showering him with that affection, then he will easily replace fragile memory (typical of a child) of your kindness with what he hears from his mother.
Keep loving him, soon as he grows up, he will stand up to his mom and tell her she is lying, tell her how wonderful you are.
More grease to your elbows
it should not bother you what a 3 year old says about you maybe someone eles is talking in his ear just continue to treat him the same
its the mom I am sorry to say she is probably the kind of person who will dog you out from here on out....If a bio mother does this with their kid the step parent doesn't have a chance because this is programmed in their brain.He will believe whatever she tells him.Just do the same things you have been doing and don't worry too much about it.There really is nothing you can do about it....
Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
You are NOT as much a part of his life as his father! His father is his FATHER! You aren't even married to his father! It doesn't matter how long you have known this little boy. Do not assume equal status with his parents!
And HOW can you treat a three year old with the same respect and DISCIPLINE as a one year old???
Just the fact that you mention that Bryce was conceived as a result of a one night stand shows that you have some unresolved issues with the fact that your fiance has a child that is not yours.
No wonder this little boy says he doesn't like you! It sounds like an honest response to me!
Oh BooHoo -you started crying when you found out! Is that to make Daddy feel sorry for you because that mean ol Bryce said he doesn't like you??? Oh wait, Bryce's mama must be programming him!
He's a three year old boy! Back off! And he's not your stepson until his daddy actually marries you!
Oh boy do I know what you mean..... I have 3 sons, 2 are fathers and are not married to any of the mothers.... LONG story, but sufice to say things are said and done that just create BIG problems, she said he said, they said that he said, etc., you get my drift ?? anyway, at 3 there is NO way he could come up with such language or discription, unless he has an IQ of 120 or better, so it has to come from some where or some one... My advice to you is this, sit the child down, and TALK to him, on his level of speach, just what he said meant, explain to him what those specific words mean, he may not even know what he realy said, ... ask him what he meant by them and why ... also explain to him you understand he has feelings and that it is OK to have them, but that some times words can hurt peoples feelings and make them unhappy... You have to use words HE can understand and relate to.... also explain to him that some times we can hear adults *big people* say things they do not mean because they are angry or sad or hurt, etc...., but that adults should NOT say things around little ones *kids* that should not be said again to anyone.... DO NOT ask him where he heard this stuff or accuse or such... just be calm and cool and let him know that he did hurt your feelings because you do love him and care, but that IF he does have hurt or angry feelings or if you make him feel hurt or angry that he needs to tell you how so YOU , as the adult can make it ok again.........If you are unsure on how to approach him, go to the library and get a book on how to.... God bless
if you are close to the child, appeal to his emotional sade and tell him howmuch it hurt you. If you dont want to talk about it in that manner its always best to call a family meeting. The father should teach the boy about the way he says something, and how to respect the adults of the house. It will be fine, remember he is a child. Dont feel hurt by it too deeply, but do express the pain and dismay that you feel. It will be just fine!
I have had this happen to me with my two step-sons you need to ask your fiance what he thinks about it. Then maybe talk to his ex in an adult mature way to see what the problem is.
I think someone is putting thoughts in his head. Give it some time he will see what a good person you are I have been with my fiance for almost 5 yrs now and we have been fighting this problem off and one with his now 12 yr old daughter. I think her bio mom and his mom are putting ideas into her head to see how far they can push me even though they act like they like me.
If he was 13 then I would say, yes he means it and you need to talk but he is 3 and I doubt it very much that he truly understands what disgusting means. I am not saying that some 3 year olds are not beyond their years and that old saying is true, out of the mouth of babes ....yet for some reason I am having doubts here. Three year olds tend to use more colorful terms as yucky or even mean , ugly , bad , silly but the word disgusting tends to lead more toward him hearing it from someone else. Kids are parakeets too and they definitely repeat what they hear.
Do not feel bad about crying because that hurts! No matter if he meant it that way or not, it still hurts. I would have cried too. Especially since you have been part of his life from practically day one. However, I would try to put it aside and I wouldn't allow it to effect how you are with him but monitor what he says or when you are reading a book to him, maybe find one appropriate to that type of genre and see if you can ask him how he feels about you. There is nothing wrong with establishing a line of communication and it is never too early or too late.
I have a 4 year old little boy. When he gets mad sometimes he'll say I don't like you , I don't like daddy, he's mean and little things like this. My two older boys never did this, but all children are different. So him saying he doesn't like you can be quite normal (believe me he doesn't mean it), the word disgusting, he learned somewhere else.
I would let it go and continue taking care of him and giving love like normal. If it is said again, I would tell him it is not nice to say that and that you still love him.
Also, as a step parent to four children (now grown), if you can get a long with the little boy's mother, it would make everything a lot better. I always got along good with my husband's X, and I know it made my life a lot easier.
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