My brother and his wife won't let our mother see their daughter anymore. Does anyone have advice (see below)?
Question: My brother and his wife are very close to his wife's family. Before their daughter was born 5 years ago they had a falling out with her family and came to live with us. My mom was actually in the room when their daughter was born. Shortly after her birth my brother's wife's father died and they immediately moved back to that area to be with them (about 5 hours away).
Since then we have seen my brother and his family 2-3 times a year at the most because they are always too busy or find some excuse. This past holiday season we were supposed to get together but a few weeks beforehand they said they were too busy to meet with us. My mother was crushed again. (They'd done this often before.) She decided to confront them about how she felt and they reacted with an explosion of yelling and told us that they spend their time with who they want and that was the end of the story. We haven't had any contact since. We don't know what to do. My mom just wants to see her grandchild!
Answers: We have an almost identical scenario in my ex husbands family. His sister would bring the kids over for maybe 10 minutes on Christmas. Thats it. The grandmother was totally in their lives until a falling out with the daughter (who is a B**CH), and she punishes them by keeping the grandchildren away. All i can say is that the grandmother should send cards, gifts, etc. every holiday, birthday, etc. and not only that, send little notes. Who knows, they might just throw them away. But in our case, the children are now in their late teens, and have chosen to have a relationship with their grandmother, in spite of their mothers attempts to squash that. They saw that no matter what occured between their mom and grandmother, she still very much loved and adored her grandchildren. I believe the truth always comes out, and they are beginning to see their mothers true self, sadly. So, my advice is to keep up a relationship, even if at this point it is one-sided. Children are smart. They know who loves them. I wish her all the best.
Could go to court and get court order, but causes lots of problems. Seems like there is another underlying reason for this.
Maybe they feel hurt because nobody comes to see them.
That is a very tough situation that you are facing. The only suggestion that I can offer is for you or another close sibling to talk to your brother privately and tell him how you feel and how it is hurting your mother. Unless there are some details that have been left out of the story, this may be enough to produce a thaw in the relationships. Unfortunately, your brother and his wife can do whatever they want when raidsing their child. It may stink but there is little that you can do to change this.
Good luck
Honestly stay out of it maybe you could call your brother ask if there is something you should know about this relationship or if you have done anything to offend them, listen to what he has to say tell him you love him your not taking sides but you would like to see them.
My advice is simple.
Take your mother and go visit your brother
Why does he have to come!
call social services
Its his baby, not your mothers... but You would think he might grow up and just include the baby's grandma. Tough one, but I gotta say I'm morally on your mom's side.
It sounds like there is probably a lot going on with your brother and his wifes family that you don't know about. You need to take the initiative to go to him and find out more before you judge them and what is going on.
2 things. Some states have grandparents rights. Check to see if yours is one.
Better idea would be to try to have a go between friendly to both sides try to patch things up. I know my brother hates to travel with his two boys and he only lives an hour away. But he lives up in the mountains and we live in the city. It's hard to pack up wee ones for long trips. Bathroom stops and restlessness can take on a hellish quality after a very short period. I can't imagine 5 hours.
There could be issues they can't or don't want to discuss. Could they be having personal problems and not want your mom to witness it?
Perhaps you mother to travel out from time to time? Or you could exchange videos. Perhaps take vacations together. It's better in the long run to be patient and forgiving for both your mother and your niece.
Call your brother when mom is not asround. Ask him what's going on and if you can do anything to help. If it truely is a matter of being too busy, then you guys may need to be the ones to make the trip. Even if they are just being selfish or lazy. It is very important for family to be close and sometimes when you are the only one who cares, you are going to be the only one to make the effort. This can cause you to feel hurt and frusterated, but don't lose heart. Even if your brother doesn't appreciate it, your niece will. She is too young to go to you, so you guys will need to go to her.
y dont you just give your brother a call and ask him what had gone wrong.talk to him calmly and clear out any misunderstandings he may have and if the problem is really on your mother's side tell him to forget it ,convince him that nothing like that would happen again and talk to your mom about it and if it is your bro and your sis in law ,talk to them about how much this whole thing hurts your mom and tell them stop it,if they dont give in... you know what! forget about them...you have done nothing wrong and it them.you cant go on sulkin thru your life.right?
Maybe what seems like an excuse could be more truth than what they let on. I live about 4 hours from my brother and he's always on me to visit him. I keep telling him that I can't afford the gas and he says it's just an excuse. I know that there's more going on with your situation than with mine, though. I just used it as a way to show you that their excuses might be what's really happening. You might just want to accept any visits you get, being very fortunate to get that much. I would contact them and tell them you're sorry for pressuring them into visiting more often and will take whatever they are willing to give you. It's the only way that everyone wins. My daughter-in-laws' mom lives in the same town I do, yet never calls me when coming to visit her mom. I often find out after she's been there, not even getting a visit with my grandson. But, I don't want to be the big bad mother-in-law, so I say nothing. I accept whatever my children want to give me. I do get to see them, though. I think things would be different if I pushed too much. So, see if my suggestion will work for you. Saying your sorry opens more doors, even if you didn't do anything wrong. It shows the others that you are willing to work with them, being flexible with whatever they are willing to work out with you. Be diplomatic, generous, forgiving, and accomodating...even if they don't deserve it. I've often said that we are to give others what they don't deserve, especially when they are at their worst. It's what God does for us. <*)))><
Mermiad is right very much, just time will prove who is who and who is right in such situations. Just try to keep loving them and pray for their hearts - God will help all of you.
First off, ask them why they are being to cold towards your mother and your family, what could have changed them in such a way? Invite them over for a while, like a vacation away from their work, heck, invite his wife's side of the family too. Have a party, or a baby shower for the new baby thats coming, maybe that would work. If they try to back out, find a way to get them there, because it sounds like you all just need to get together and talk for a while.
Good luck!
seems to me the problem goes deeper than just seeing this child there seems to be a sense of anger or resentment between your mom and or son/daughter in law the real problem needs to be identified and resolved i get the feeling this is a one sided story i would talk to your brother and ask for his side but dont take the attack approach he will only get angry and resent u good luck
Since then we have seen my brother and his family 2-3 times a year at the most because they are always too busy or find some excuse. This past holiday season we were supposed to get together but a few weeks beforehand they said they were too busy to meet with us. My mother was crushed again. (They'd done this often before.) She decided to confront them about how she felt and they reacted with an explosion of yelling and told us that they spend their time with who they want and that was the end of the story. We haven't had any contact since. We don't know what to do. My mom just wants to see her grandchild!
Answers: We have an almost identical scenario in my ex husbands family. His sister would bring the kids over for maybe 10 minutes on Christmas. Thats it. The grandmother was totally in their lives until a falling out with the daughter (who is a B**CH), and she punishes them by keeping the grandchildren away. All i can say is that the grandmother should send cards, gifts, etc. every holiday, birthday, etc. and not only that, send little notes. Who knows, they might just throw them away. But in our case, the children are now in their late teens, and have chosen to have a relationship with their grandmother, in spite of their mothers attempts to squash that. They saw that no matter what occured between their mom and grandmother, she still very much loved and adored her grandchildren. I believe the truth always comes out, and they are beginning to see their mothers true self, sadly. So, my advice is to keep up a relationship, even if at this point it is one-sided. Children are smart. They know who loves them. I wish her all the best.
Could go to court and get court order, but causes lots of problems. Seems like there is another underlying reason for this.
Maybe they feel hurt because nobody comes to see them.
That is a very tough situation that you are facing. The only suggestion that I can offer is for you or another close sibling to talk to your brother privately and tell him how you feel and how it is hurting your mother. Unless there are some details that have been left out of the story, this may be enough to produce a thaw in the relationships. Unfortunately, your brother and his wife can do whatever they want when raidsing their child. It may stink but there is little that you can do to change this.
Good luck
Honestly stay out of it maybe you could call your brother ask if there is something you should know about this relationship or if you have done anything to offend them, listen to what he has to say tell him you love him your not taking sides but you would like to see them.
My advice is simple.
Take your mother and go visit your brother
Why does he have to come!
call social services
Its his baby, not your mothers... but You would think he might grow up and just include the baby's grandma. Tough one, but I gotta say I'm morally on your mom's side.
It sounds like there is probably a lot going on with your brother and his wifes family that you don't know about. You need to take the initiative to go to him and find out more before you judge them and what is going on.
2 things. Some states have grandparents rights. Check to see if yours is one.
Better idea would be to try to have a go between friendly to both sides try to patch things up. I know my brother hates to travel with his two boys and he only lives an hour away. But he lives up in the mountains and we live in the city. It's hard to pack up wee ones for long trips. Bathroom stops and restlessness can take on a hellish quality after a very short period. I can't imagine 5 hours.
There could be issues they can't or don't want to discuss. Could they be having personal problems and not want your mom to witness it?
Perhaps you mother to travel out from time to time? Or you could exchange videos. Perhaps take vacations together. It's better in the long run to be patient and forgiving for both your mother and your niece.
Call your brother when mom is not asround. Ask him what's going on and if you can do anything to help. If it truely is a matter of being too busy, then you guys may need to be the ones to make the trip. Even if they are just being selfish or lazy. It is very important for family to be close and sometimes when you are the only one who cares, you are going to be the only one to make the effort. This can cause you to feel hurt and frusterated, but don't lose heart. Even if your brother doesn't appreciate it, your niece will. She is too young to go to you, so you guys will need to go to her.
y dont you just give your brother a call and ask him what had gone wrong.talk to him calmly and clear out any misunderstandings he may have and if the problem is really on your mother's side tell him to forget it ,convince him that nothing like that would happen again and talk to your mom about it and if it is your bro and your sis in law ,talk to them about how much this whole thing hurts your mom and tell them stop it,if they dont give in... you know what! forget about them...you have done nothing wrong and it them.you cant go on sulkin thru your life.right?
Maybe what seems like an excuse could be more truth than what they let on. I live about 4 hours from my brother and he's always on me to visit him. I keep telling him that I can't afford the gas and he says it's just an excuse. I know that there's more going on with your situation than with mine, though. I just used it as a way to show you that their excuses might be what's really happening. You might just want to accept any visits you get, being very fortunate to get that much. I would contact them and tell them you're sorry for pressuring them into visiting more often and will take whatever they are willing to give you. It's the only way that everyone wins. My daughter-in-laws' mom lives in the same town I do, yet never calls me when coming to visit her mom. I often find out after she's been there, not even getting a visit with my grandson. But, I don't want to be the big bad mother-in-law, so I say nothing. I accept whatever my children want to give me. I do get to see them, though. I think things would be different if I pushed too much. So, see if my suggestion will work for you. Saying your sorry opens more doors, even if you didn't do anything wrong. It shows the others that you are willing to work with them, being flexible with whatever they are willing to work out with you. Be diplomatic, generous, forgiving, and accomodating...even if they don't deserve it. I've often said that we are to give others what they don't deserve, especially when they are at their worst. It's what God does for us. <*)))><
Mermiad is right very much, just time will prove who is who and who is right in such situations. Just try to keep loving them and pray for their hearts - God will help all of you.
First off, ask them why they are being to cold towards your mother and your family, what could have changed them in such a way? Invite them over for a while, like a vacation away from their work, heck, invite his wife's side of the family too. Have a party, or a baby shower for the new baby thats coming, maybe that would work. If they try to back out, find a way to get them there, because it sounds like you all just need to get together and talk for a while.
Good luck!
seems to me the problem goes deeper than just seeing this child there seems to be a sense of anger or resentment between your mom and or son/daughter in law the real problem needs to be identified and resolved i get the feeling this is a one sided story i would talk to your brother and ask for his side but dont take the attack approach he will only get angry and resent u good luck
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